This blog has nothing to do with wine, and I despise wine blogs that move from the subject nearly as much as I loathe wine-person Tweeters who talk about taking their dogs for a walk (just as I did this afternoon) or enthuse about the sweet or weird thing their baby did (which I’ve never had occasion to do).
However, this blog is to do with eyebrows (and accidentally shaving them) and a brilliant TV documentary. Wine could only feature incidentally because I was drinking it while getting involved with all the eyebrow stuff. (For wine geeks, I will confess that I was polishing off the remainders from my wine-group’s Sunday tasting of burgundy, and marvelling how much the wines had changed in the 48 hours they’d been enjoying some oxygen, and equally marvelling how we actually take these tastings very seriously and think we learn a lot of useful stuff from them.)
The TV documentary series I’ve been watching is a totally recommended one from HBO called The Jinx. You’ll find lots about it if you Google it, but my point is about the time when the (presumably) evil anti-hero (whom I’m increasingly admiring and enjoying, but I’m only half-way through) shaves off his eyebrows as part of a disguise. (He says it helps him look weird.) He’s asked, bizarrely, if he did it on purpose (by a man with a very artfully shaved face, so perhaps he was genuinely curious). To which the anti-hero responds ironically: “How do you accidentally shave your eyebrows?”
It’s a great question (and one of the moments that put me on the evil man’s side, while laughing out loud), and I’d have thought it triumphantly unarguable. However, something in my ageing mind fizzled and I thought I’d Google “accidentally shave your eyebrows”. The fizzle was irrelevant to anything but my impending senility, I now think, but the result was fascinating, and would have, surely, been deeply disheartening for someone who trawls the internet in search of the proof of the nobility of the human spirit.
For it would seem that the (presumably) murderous Robert Durst and I are equally naïve in thinking that shaving one’s eyebrows by accident must be a rare, and probably impossible, occurrence. Far from it. There were 95 700 hits turned up by my Google search. The first had as its main line: “3 Ways to Hide or Fix a Shaved off Eyebrow – wikiHow”; the second a video from youtube about “what to do when you accidentally shave your eyebrows …” and thus it went on.
How do people in our corrupt and decadent age spend their time? I couldn’t bear to investigate further. I returned to my wine. The price of burgundy can occasionally seem to be the most depressing fact in the modern world outside Syria and a thousand other places and situations of unutterable misery, but then you discover that this is a world in which people also accidentally shave off their eyebrows, and you wonder if turning to drink is really an irrational alternative.